new years resoluteness

It is really January again?
On my flight back to OKC, I realized I hadn't even thought about what my New Year's resolutions would be. And then I realized, I don't think I've even made a New Years resolution in the past few years. I started thinking about why that was, and I came to the unfortunate conclusion that the task of coming up with profound, life changing resolutions is such an overwhelming endeavor, that it is easier to resolve to doing nothing. Similarly, I identify a new goal or hobby I'd like to undertake, yet I rarely pursue them out of fear of failure, discovery of weakness, or simple incompetency. For example: I read the blogs of others and am inspired, yet doubtful that I could render one of comparable ingenuity and artistry. If that's not the mark of a perfectionist..
So on New Year's Eve, at 30,000 feet in the air, I found myself traveling the familiar course of scrambling to come up with the perfect resolutions by midnight. As if the opportunity to think of resolutions would expire when the ball dropped (or rose, as is the case in OKC). 
Suddenly, it struck me. Who said that resolutions had to be made and established by the time the clock stroked midnight? Why couldn't I resolve to enter the New Year with an attitude of resoluteness? When did the promise of success and perfection become a prerequisite for new endeavors?
Hence, today's date of January 12th and my "New Years" post is just now making its debut. The whole concept of blogging is both odd and appealing to me. Odd in the sense that, as of now, it is sort of a public viewing of the inside of my mind. I am sort of dichotomous in that I flee from vulnerability, yet thrive off of communication and being understood. Ahh, to be a woman..I don't know why most people take time out of their day to process their thoughts and happenings on a blog. Personally, I do it for a multitude of reasons. The first being that my family and NH world are 1,631 miles (which equates to 1 day and 3 hours of driving...21 days and 10 hours if I walk) across the country from me and trying to keep everyone satisfied with the attention I afford them is about as possible as getting through this semester without purchasing a book (=impossible). Second, I do love to write and it has been said that something as simple as journaling can improve your writing skills immensely (which I'm sure will be of use this semester in my Comp 303 class). 
Lastly, I do not vainly presume that many people are interested in the ramblings of my mind and daily discoveries. Which is why probably the most significant reason I paste my thoughts on a page is personal gratification and necessity. Over the course of the past three years, I've witnessed a lot, and experienced more than I ever considered possible. One thing I learned is that no inspiration, encouragement, epiphany, or even devastation does any good if it is forgotten beneath the noise and drum of the everyday. While some memories and experiences should be let go and deposited in the past, there are always nuggets of value to be extracted and tucked away for future application. One of the things I dislike the most is when I allow a deeply profound truth to be overshadowed by distractions and complacency. 
In Proverbs, wisdom says: 


"keep my words, and treasure my commands within you. 
Keep my commands and live, 

and my teaching as the apple of your eye. 

Bind them on your fingers; 
write them on the tablet of your heart." 

I suppose this place is my tablet. I could write my thoughts and discoveries in a journal, but there is something about sharing it with someone else that inspires me to write and keeps me accountable to doing so. Of course, there's always the hope that somehow I might accidentally ramble something you can relate to or be encouraged by, which is my ultimate motivation. I'm learning that life is all about the process, the journey, and we are never meant to walk it alone. Nor are we ever meant to fabricate or conceal our true self (weaknesses, failures, and insecurities included). I spent far too long hidden behind what I thought everyone wanted to see, only to discover I had completely lost myself and all that was real in the process. 
Even if I were the only one to read my own thoughts (which I know wouldn't be the case...my Mommy is an avid fan of all things that pertain to my life), it would be worth the effort and time. Ultimately, this is a piece of the tablet of my heart. There is too much that I've learned that I am not willing to forget. What better way to live it out than by sharing with whoever happens to stumble upon it. 
My New Year's resolution? Well, I resolve not to burden myself with unrealistic and legalistic resolutions. Instead, I choose to adopt an attitude of resoluteness, with the aim of a being a person of purpose. 
Imperfect? yes. 
Inconsistent? undoubtedly. 
Prone to growing weary, discouraged, and burnt out? sometimes daily.  
This is the way of the ragamuffin, of which I am self-professed and of which this blog is named after. Ragamuffins know they don't have it altogether. I used to think I did and I'm glad God showed me otherwise.
Here's to a new year of resoluteness!