how He knows

    I love how God knows exactly what our hearts need to hear, even before we recognize what it is. It just proves that God is so in tune with what's going on inside us, more so than we even are. It just amazes me that GOD- the one who decided to one day create the whole universe and set the world in motion- would voluntarily choose to live inside me, to invest Himself in my life, to care enough about me-all of me- that He would speak into the seemingly irrelevant confusions in of heart.
    It's terrifyingly easy to get caught up in all the useless distractions that the enemy creates in order to deter us from our sole purpose. Sometimes I find myself in those moments of distraction and God brings me a moment of clarity where I realize, wow, why am I wasting the precious moments of my life being consumed by this? But isn't that what Satan wants? He knows he can't win the souls of those who belong to Jesus, but he can attempt to make us ineffective in God's kingdom. Satan would be just as happy to watch us live a life void of truly knowing God and so caught up in ourselves that we miss the whole point of living.
    I love how the Message Bible phrases the scripture on the armor of God. It serves as a vibrant reminder to me that I cannot fight this battle on my own. It says,

    Those first two words always stand out to me as though they were highlighted by God himself. Be prepared. I've learned from experience with my pride that being prepared does not involve my own strength. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation are five things that I do not possess outside of Christ. Yet those are the weapons of our warfare. It would be the enemy's pleasure to watch my attempt to somehow manage my own life. It makes me smile reading that second line about being up against far more than I can handle on my own. I can imagine God speaking that to me so bluntly. And adding with a knowing smile, "Katie, take all the help you can get. Not just one, but every weapon I've issued."

"Be prepared. You're up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it's all over but the shouting you'll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them.  You'll need them throughout your life. God's Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare."

a soul vacation

    Lately on Joyce Meyer's show, Everyjoying Everyday Life, she's been preaching all about rest; letting your soul go on a permanent vacation. She's so cute up there lounging under an umbrella, sipping out of a coconut with big bug-eyed shades. But she makes her point well that we can have rest in our souls even in the midst of everything else around us. There is something so relieving about realizing that my circumstances can't bother me unless I give them permission to do so.


exhibit A...

splendid. a day in the life of Katie.

this is me attempting to transfer 8 potted plants from the kitchen to the dining room by dragging them across the room on a chair. As you can see, I didn't fully evaluate my options before attempting the transport. It was actually much worse, but in my spasm, I tried to quickly repot the plants after the catastrophe. Looking back, I believe I was confused in thinking that plants are like fish...if they're out of their pot for even a minute, they'll die. In the terror that followed the prospect of murdering my vegetable garden, I scrambled to get them back into their pot. It was only after they were safely tucked into their pots that I thought to take a picture.
    Anyways, the moral of my story is not that Katie needs to consider her various options before taking action, but it was my response to the situation. After looking up and audibly screaming, "GOD, what am I supposed to do!?!", I realized that even in my frantic moment, I was at a crossroad. I could choose to respond to the emotions that had instantly rose up within me. It was tempting, because 1. I was staring at a huge pile of dirt on my kitchen floor, and 2. my beloved garden was potentially destroyed. BUT I decided that God was granting me a moment to put my faith into action and find humor in the situation, rather than beating myself down.
    Now, in the scheme of life, I'm sure we'd all agree that this crossroad is not one that has lasting reprecussions. However, I know for a fact that my reaction in that moment would have determined my attitude, which very well could have possibly progressed throughout the rest of my day. Instead, I burst out laughing and told God, "well, You made me."
    Satan would love to use little moments like that to kick down our door and hit us while we're down. He'll take any victory he can get, even if it's as simple as being grumpy about a garden taking over the kitchen. Don't let him steal your peace. Peace is such a precious gift that we all have the privilege of inheriting through Jesus. So rather than letting your flesh react, sit back, take a sip of the coconut juice, and remember: your soul's on vacation.

"Experiencing and Responding to God's Great Love"

    Join me in reflection upon what I consider to be a deeply profound excerpt from a message called "Experiencing and Responding to God's Great Love" that Brennan Manning gave at Seattle Pacific University back in 1992. I frequently listen to the 28 minute message because it is one in which I should continually remind myself...

Isn't it difficult to believe you're worth the death of anyone? Least of all the most holy God? I'm sure it's crossed your mind, and since God alone made you, with a little help from your parents of course, God alone knows what response He's looking from you, and how many peoples' destinies depend on yours. So when you scorn yourself, put yourself down, say "Yeah, but I'm a clod man, I'm a loser. I'm not one of those intense, devout, pious Christians. If you ever got to know the real me, you wouldn't want to know me." So much insicerity, skepticism, cynicism, shallow faith and the self-talk continues, "Nobody loves me, everybody hates me, guess I'll go eat worms.." When you scorn yourself, you scorn all those plans of His, all the dreams He was going to realize through you, all the joy anticipated from you, and all the hope that He placed in you. Self-hatred is an indecent luxury that no disciple of Jesus can afford because self-hatred suddenly reestablishes me as the center of my focus and concern and biblically, that's idolatry.

    I looked up the word scorn and it means to reject, refuse, or ignore with contempt or disdain.
Ouch. As much I'd love to plead innocent to ever rejecting God's plans for me, refusing the dreams He wants to realize through me, or ignoring the joy and hope He wants to extract from me, I must honestly confess I am guilty.
    It's easy for me to hear that and immediately think, "Well, I've never outright told God I was rejecting His plans for my life." But I think it's so easy to fall into the pattern of rejecting ourselves, whether it's a result of words that have been spoken over us or lies the enemy has placed in our mind and ultimately, as Brennan points out, when we reject ourselves, we're rejecting the plans, dreams, hopes, and joys God has stored up for our lives. I know from personal experience that it is impossible to be in hatred with yourself and still maintain a burning love for God. The two cannot co-exist because God won't have any part in self-hatred. He's only love, it's not just a quality He possesses, but it's His nature.
    How can we expect to live up to the beautiful, fulfulling life God designed for each of us if we're busy entertaining negative beliefs about ourselves? When we put ourselves down, it's easy to be deceived into viewing it as a self-less, humble act; and attempt to deflate pride and arrogance. However, I discovered with myself, instead of being concerned with loving others as God calls me to do, my focus was always centered on ME. What I wasn't and what I needed to be, never just basking in the love that God already had for me. I heard someone say that when we put outselves down in anyway, we're agreeing with the devil.
    I'd rather agree with God. He has much nicer things to say.

to simply begin...

If you haven't had the immense blessing of reading Brennan Manning's book, Ragamuffin Gospel, I highly recommend that you do. While I was at Mercy Ministries, God always seemed to bring me the right books at the right time, speaking directly into my needs at that moment. Ragamuffin Gospel was one of those books that came into my life at an exceedingly appropriate time, and seemed to transcend throughout the rest of my journey there.
Have you ever found one of those books where the heart of the author almost mirrors your own? For me, reading that book was like staring into the depths of my own soul. It was one of those discoveries I didn't expect to find, one that revealed the startling reality of where my life and mind had gone. Brennan's own story reflected my doubts, my distorted perspective of God, my fears, strivings, and mental, emotional, and spiritual battle. It was as though I had written the book, although I was no where near comprehending the conclusions Manning had come to. With each page and chapter, my heart beat a little stronger with the realization that someone out there had thought the same way that I did at that moment; that someone out there was living under the same mental and spiritual bondage and exhausting delusion that I was in.
I don't know about you, but over the years my relationship with God had gone from serving Him out of love, to striving for His acceptance, love, approval. The concept of a relationship with a loving, compassionate Father had turned into a struggle to please, to perform, to amount to something that would deserve anything from the One that felt so far away, so unattainable. Have you ever felt like you were too much, yet never enough, all at the same time?

Subconsciously, that belief permeated my existence and influenced my thoughts, decisions, and character. My mind was distorted by lies that I believed to be true. Lies about myself, about life, and about God. In all fairness, I hadn't yet uncovered the astounding truth that I actually don't have to believe every thought that comes through my head; that I can actually choose what thoughts I believe; that not every thought that flashes through my mind is necessarily my thought, but that there is an enemy out there would love to fill my mind with lies and distortions. For the most part, if I thought something, I considered it to be true. That's a little scary when you think about how many things pass through your mind each day.


Of course, it wasn't just Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel that tore down the walls I had built over the course of my life. In reality, it wasn't even Brennan Manning that began the process of embracing my heart and setting it free. It comes back to the One who was there when I started believing those lies, who knows me inside and out, who sees my flaws, weaknesses, and insecurities, and in the midst of all those things, still loves me the same. In fact, He loved me so much that before time began, before I was even a desire in the hearts of my parents, God decided that He would rather die than live without me. Me, the one who would fight Him, reject Him, scorn Him, and neglect Him. He saw it all before I ever came to pass, yet He still took on all my suffering and sins just so that He could live in my heart so I'd never have to be alone again. It's the truth that God loves me just as I am, not as I should be, that allows me to rest in my relationship with Him. It allows me to lay down my striving to be better and holier, to love more and judge less, to be more Christlike and less self-sufficient. Because ultimately, I'm never able to do any of those things anyways, no matter how good my intentions are or how hard I try. God won't let me, because if I could accomplish those things on my own, why would I need Jesus? Although I struggle with Him daily to somehow earn my salvation, He gently reminds me that it's only by His grace that I'm able to be made like Him. Grace. I could spend days trying to formulate words to verbalize the diminutive knowledge I have of that precious gift. Manning sheds his portion of God-given insight on the mystery how grace changes everything. How grace gives me the permission to stop trying to be perfect and to be a little ragamuffin for Jesus, victoriously limping my way through life.

My purpose behind this blog is not to preach at anyone but myself. I find that God's truth is better reinforced in my life when I'm constantly meditating upon it and for me, writing is most effective. I also by no means wish to leave the impression that I have somehow arrived at living and perfectly integrating all the conclusions and revelations I've gracefully stumbled upon. I am merely a fellow ragamuffin, and so are you. One of the verses I believe perfectly expresses my heart is Philippians 3:12-14,

..."So let's keep focused on that goal, those of us who want everything God has for us..."

Love, Katie

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made.
But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so
wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong:
By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've
got my eyes on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward-
to Jesus. I'm off and running, and I'm not turning back."

My hope is that we can share our journeys together and encourage one another as we learn enjoy the peace of being a ragamuffin. And as verse 15 continues...